10 things I learned whilst injured during lock-down

Anyone who read my previous blog, has seen my social media feed or has noticed my absence on strava knows that I’ve been recovering from two stress fractures in my pelvis. Not long after I started running, I reflected on all the wonderful things it taught me about myself, but bizarrely I believe the absence of running has taught me a whole lot more. Not just about the sport of running and my interaction with it, but also about who I am as a person.

So in true Buzzfeed style, here are 10 things I learned whilst injured during lock-down.

1. Running is more than about the competition

At a time when the drive of bettering myself was my only source of motivation

I used to think that I ran because it gave me a sense of competition. A yard stick with which to measure myself, a measure of progress. I work with people and my measures of success in work are much less tangible than kilometres and times. So I genuinely believed that without it (or when old father time meant that improvement was an impossibility) that I’d be done with running. But even knowing how slow and unfit I’d be now, I need a run more than ever. I itch to get out the door in my running shoes, no matter the speed. Not to be better than I was, not to get quicker but just for the sake of running.

2. Running has become an unhealthy crutch

I’ve talked before about my eating disorder and how running has helped me develop a better relationship with food. However the problem with relying on running to do this means that when it is taken away from you, old habits creep back in. I’m taking some time to re-establish a better relationship with food, butthis is harder than I thought without my magic fix! It’s certainly taught me that having a single strategy isn’t healthy.

3. I’m impatient as hell, but time goes quicker than you think

When I was told how long I’d be out for, it send a wave of anxiety through my body. I recall receiving the call and being told that I had to walk with crutches, basically meaning running (or even it’s poor cousin, cycling) was out the question. My routine (also see: life) was centered around my fitness, so whilst lock-down had changed things like work, it felt like my world had been completely blown apart. How could I possibly get by without it?

Well two months down the line since my last run, I can say that it’s gone quicker than I expected it to. Two months feels like forever, but by focusing on what I can do day to day to help recovery makes it move quicker than I expected to.

4. I can’t help but train like an animal

I am no Eliud Kipchoge and I am not going to go the Olympics any time soon, but one thing I have recognised about myself is that I will do all I can to the maximum of my effort levels. This shouldn’t have been any great surprise if I look at my training log over the last 12 months or so. But before my MRI and diagnosis, when I couldn’t run I decided to start cycling. Almost immediately I began doing 250km+ a week.

I bought the home turbo set up in the initial fear we might not be able to run……little did I know it wasn’t the government guidance that stopped me running.

Ultimately I was stopped from cycling due to the severity of my injuries. But I was initially allowed to strength train. So every day I got up early and used the weights I had until my body began to shake and sweat poured from me. I recently got the green light to go back to cycling, but only for a limited period of time. Lord knows, for each minute of that limited window was maximum effort. It’s inherent in me, the motivation to train isn’t the problem, the ability to hold myself back is.

I am an idiot, but a motivated idiot nevertheless……

5. If I’m going to lie to myself, I have to be honest with the medical professionals

This leads nicely onto this lesson. I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to recover fully and I wanted to be pain free. But I also knew I’d twist any advice I was given to suit my desire to train, so I had to ask very specific questions of those treating me. It wouldn’t be enough for me to ask ‘Can I cycle?’, because a ‘yes’ would mean that I’d spend all my free hours on the turbo. So for once in my life I was sensible and laid out who I am to those professionals.

I found myself saying “Look, I am an idiot. You tell me I can cycle and I am going to cycle up the proverbial Alps. How much can I cycle and how often? I will always go to the absolute upper limit of what you suggest”. Sometimes you just can’t let you game yourself……..

6. I’m not sure I’ll be the same after this

I look back at my routine before this and I am amazed how I managed to fit everything in. It’s true, perhaps, that the pace of life has become a little slower since lock-down, but it’s actually welcome. I have time to meditate and do yoga. I have time to make that seitan from scratch.

When I look back at all the work I put in, knowing where I am going to be starting from again, I am just not sure I’ll be able to replicate and get back to that level. In some ways I am okay with it, it feels like a break away from training is what’s been needed to get some perspective and to develop a healthier relationship with running.

Whether I’ll feel the same when I get back, I don’t know but I’ll try to remind myself that taking a step away from training can also have it’s benefits and be enjoyable.

7. Being THAT fatigued isn’t normal

In a heavy training cycle, I’d basically be passing out each evening through exhaustion. I’d feel sore as I lace up for every run. Being constantly tired was something I had kidded myself was normal. It’s not and reading around the subject of stress fractures, fatigue is one of the contributory factors. It’s okay to go through periods of it in a 16 week training cycle, but it’s not okay to feel it 52 weeks of the year.

8. I’m not as much of an outdoor person as I thought

I always say I am an outdoors person, but without the ‘activity’ (running, cycling, hiking), I’m not. Turns out I’m an activity person, not an outdoors person. This was a surprise!

Without the running or cycling, sitting on my butt playing playstation was equally as enjoyable as sitting outside.

9. That said, the flat feels awfully small

A one bedroom flat which becomes your place of work, your bedroom, your gym, your pain cave……..it’s not healthy. Having not spent much time at home in my previous routine it was fine, but the walls start to close in a little bit when you’re spending as much time as we’re forced to at present. The lack of a garden or outdoor space has made it exceptionally difficult.

10. People are bloody brilliant

As always when you release something into the world, you wonder how it is going to land. Writing about something personal means you’re never sure if people are going to even care about it. But I can say with full confidence that people are brilliant. I can safely say that the way those around me and those that have reached out to me directly have reacted fills me with complete faith in humanity.

On this note I’d encourage anyone to share their story, no matter how difficult or personal it is because the cathartic nature of writing and sharing this story will connect you with others in a way that’s deeply needed.